A note to new therapists

Becoming a therapist is a huge identity shift. In school, you learn about defense mechanisms and childhood development. You analyze the human psyche, write papers and contend with complex social dynamics. You do all of this while working an unpaid internship, holding space for stories of injustice and trauma while having little power to do much about it.

You might question systems, yourself, your family and your history in ways you never have before. You might notice pathology in those around you. You might notice a desire to educate, attune to, care for or fix those who are struggling in any way.

You might break up with partners, take space from friends or have a mental health crisis yourself. It could all feel overwhelming quite quickly.

I want to let you know this phase does not last forever.

While there is always only so much you can do, that in itself, is also the beauty of the work. We do what we can and let go of the responsibility for everything else. If you can hold space for someone, affirm their experience and offer some semblance of curiosity, you’re doing the work. It can be hard for us, both as therapists and as humans in conflict avoidant culture, to sit with suffering. We want to solve because it hurts to witness pain, oftentimes both in our personal and budding professional lives.

I invite you to notice all of your feelings and impulses. I invite you to pause. If you grew up in a home with tension, your nervous system might be conditioned to respond to any sign of discomfort with hypervigilance. In other words, one text or one upset facial expression could trigger a threat response and make you feel like there is an urgent problem that needs to be fixed immediately.

And…most things can wait. Most of the time our judgement is better with a good night’s sleep, a dose of compassion and your favorite kind of tea.

Welcome to the field of social work, therapy, counseling or the like. It’s cozy here, and can be quite the roller coaster at times, but can also bring you to heights you might never have imagined if you can stay in your seat, take deep breaths, and get off the ride whenever it’s too much.